Along the Forest Road, there's hundreds of cars – luxury cars
Each has got its load of convertible bars, cutlery cars – super scars!
For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out
'Cause they disagree on a gangland boundary
'Cause they disagree on a gangland boundary
There's Willy Wright and his boys – one helluva noise, that's Billy's boys!
With fully-fashioned bugs, that's Little John's thugs
The Barking Slugs – super smugs!
For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out
Yes, these Christian soldiers fight to protect the poor
East end heroes got to score in
The Battle of Epping Forest
Yes, it's the Battle of Epping Forest
Right outside your door
And you ain't seen nothing like it
No, you ain't seen nothing like it
Not since the Civil War
Coming over the hill are the boys of Bill and Johnny's lads stand very still
With the umpire's shout, they all start to clout – there's no guns in this gentleman's bout
And Georgie moves in on the outside left with a chain flying 'round his head
And Harold Demure, from Art Literature, nips up the nearest tree (Here come the cavalry!)
Amidst the battle roar accountants keep the score: 10-4
They've never been alone, after getting a radiophone
The bluebells are ringing for Sweetmeal Sam, real ham
Handing out bread and jam just like any picnic
Picnic, Picnic, Picnic
It's 5 to 4 on William Wright; he made his pile on Derby night
When Billy was a kid, walking the streets, the other kids hid – so they did!
And now, after working hard in security trade, he's got it made
The shops that need aid are those that haven't paid
"I'll do my double-show quick!"
Said Mick the Prick, fresh out the nick
"I sell cheap holiday. The minute they leave and a visit I pay – does it pay!"
And his friend, Liquid Len by name of Wine, Women & Wandsworth fame
Said "I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed!
I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed!"
Got me framed
They called me the Reverend when I entered the Church unstained
My employers have changed, but the name has remained
It all began when I went on a tour hoping to find some furniture
Followed a sign saying "Beautiful Chest"
It led to a lady who showed me her best
She was taken by surprise when I quickly closed my eyes
So she rang the bell and quick as hell
Bob the Nob came out on his job
To see what the trouble was
"Louise, is the Reverend hard to please?"
"You're telling me!"
"Perhaps, sir, if it's not too late
We could interest you in our old-fashioned Staffordshire plate?"
"Oh no, not me, I'm a man of repute."
But the Devil caught hold of my soul and a voice called out "Shoot!"
To save my steeple, I visited people
For this I'd gone when I met Little John
His name came, I understood
When the judge said, "You are a robbing hood."
He told me of his strange foundation
Conceived on sight of the Woodstock nation
He'd had to hide his reputation
When poor, it was salvation from door to door
But now, with a pin-up guru every week
It was Love, Peace & Truth Incorporated for all who seek
He employed me as a karma mechanic, with overall charms
His hands were then fit to receive, receive alms
That's why we're in the Battle of Epping Forest
Yes, it's the Battle of Epping Forest
Right outside your door
We guard your souls for peanuts
And we guard your shops and houses
For just a little more, just a little more
In with a left hook is the Bethnal Green Butcher, but he's countered on the right by Mick's chain-gang fight
And Liquid Len, with his smashed bottle men, is lobbing Bob the Nob across the gob
With his kisser in a mess, Bob seems under stress, but Jones the Jug hits Len right in the mug
And Harold Demure, who's still not quite sure, fires acorns from out of his sling (Here come the cavalry!)
Up, up above the crowd, inside their Silver Cloud, done proud
The bold and brazen brass, seen darkly through the glass
The butler's got jam on his Rolls; Roy doles out the lot
With tea from a silver pot just like any picnic
Picnic, picnic, picnic
Along the Forest Road, it's the end of the day and the Clouds roll away
Each has got its load – they'll come out for the count at the break-in of day
When the limos return for their final review, it's all through, all they can see is the morning goo
"There's no-one left alive – must be a draw."
So the Blackcap Barons toss a coin to settle the score
